I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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