Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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