Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
