Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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