idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
