not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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