i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
