I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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