How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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