she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Pooping to opera.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
