it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
