Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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