her vagine was all disorganized.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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