If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
