The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize