Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
