it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
