we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
