I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
