I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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