the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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