If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
