pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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