Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
