Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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