She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
