Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
