Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
