i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
