so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
