Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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