Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
