I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
