After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
