My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
