yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize