Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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