Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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