1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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