Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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