are you still at the devil's house?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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