after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize