I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
