i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
