I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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