Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
