ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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