It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
