Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
