those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
