I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
