Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
