You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
