note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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