these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
