help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
