I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
