I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
