She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
