i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize