i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
