We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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