i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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