one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
