That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
