why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
