i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize