You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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