she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
