You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
