so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
