update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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