a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
