Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
