R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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