So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
