U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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