South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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