How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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