A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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