I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize