Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
